


I'm The Place You Can Come To (You're The Place I Can Go To)

by lucidlyuku



Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Crying, Flashbacks, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hugs, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No proofread we die like men, Phone Calls & Telephones, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Flirting, Texting, cursing, dongju and dongmyeong banter, giwook was dongju's ex, mentions of the other onewe members, seoho comforts a crying dongju, youngjo cries too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28258710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidlyuku/pseuds/lucidlyuku
Summary: Dongmyeong offered a sad smile as he laced their fingers together."Sometimes you don't have to search for home, Dongju." Dongmyeong stated, fingertip tracing some random patterns on the back of his hand. "I wasn't even looking when I found Onewe. And I've never felt more at home rather than with them. So…" His twin squeezed his hand, looking back up at him. "Just stop searching for now and instead let them find you, Ju, whoever they might be. The best has yet to come.""How do I know if it's really them, then?" He questioned, voice small and quiet like a child's."You'll know. When the time comes, you'll know. That's the most beautiful thing about it, especially if you weren't even searching for it in the first place."
Relationships: Lee Seoho & Son Dongju | Xion, ONEUS Ensemble & ONEWE Ensemble
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	I'm The Place You Can Come To (You're The Place I Can Go To)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elutherya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elutherya/gifts).



> So, uhm, hi.
> 
> If you're wondering, first of all, whether if we know each other, we do! I just can't reveal myself yet.
> 
> *claps and awkward laughter follows*
> 
> I don't celebrate Christmas, actually. And honestly, I don't know why I wrote this note in first place. I guess because everyone's doing so.
> 
> But since this is the first Christmas I'll be giving presents to someone (you) I guess I could consider this as my first Christmas, right? *grins*
> 
> I'll be honest with you; the prompt you have given me was "Dongju struggles to sleep at night and seeks out one of his hyungs to cuddle," right? 
> 
> Well, truth be told, I FREAKED OUT.
> 
> Not because I hate the prompt you gave me or anything, no (I love Son Dongju with all my heart because his personality is alike mine in so many ways. Precious baby boy, I'd say). But it's more of a fear that crept up to me straight after receiving the task: can I actually do this prompt justice?
> 
> And here I am with 11k of words for you, after countless hours of executive dysfunction and author's block. *pats this fic*
> 
> How did that happen? 
> 
> Gosh, I don't know. 
> 
> Things just worked out in the end, I suppose.
> 
> But anyway, let me cut my rambling short.
> 
> I sincerely do hope you enjoy this fic because I wrote this to comfort myself; these few months have been tough for me as school had really affected my mental health a lot. But hey, here I am, still alive and kicking. That's good, right? I wrote this with you in my mind; you've always been a great friend to me, comforting me and helping me through my hard times, and for that, it feels like I haven't thanked you enough. Your words have gotten me through the darkest times of my life, thank you so much, really. I'm not good with words, so I'm sorry if this sounded awkward.
> 
> I hope that this fic can be a source of comfort for you, if anything, as much as I've found comfort in your fics. It's not my best fic and I still have a long journey to become a great writer, but anyway, please enjoy your present. I won't drag my fics down like how you always advised us to on your account because hey I'm still improving every day! :D
> 
> Merry Christmas! 🎄
> 
> (PS: brace yourself for Dongju crying and an unexpected ship at the end.)

Nights at the Oneus dorm were- more often than not- chaotic.

  
  


Nothing out of the blue from a bunch of male idols with too much pent up energy and bottled up remainder of adrenaline from their stage performances.

  
  


The remains of that were used to do much things- mostly foolish ones, but Dongju was willing to vouch for them that they had the most fun in those moments- from Monopoly (the last time they played, Geonhak had nearly pounced on Seoho if it hadn't been for Youngjo holding him back) to the Cleopatra game (they had to stop playing when it was Keonhee's turn to do the higher notes, for he sounded like Doraemon on a sugar rush and they had howled with laughter until they teared up and had stitches on their sides. Keonhee's crown of victory was still undefeated up to this day- hence furthermore proving the fact that his vocals, were indeed, unparalleled, as Hwanwoong had confirmed it. Seoho had begged to differ and challenged Keonhee for their upcoming rounds of the game, swearing that the crown truly belonged to him as the lead vocalist of Oneus). 

  
  


Tonight, however, was a bit more subdued. Their bold, exhilarating To Be or Not To Be stage at Music Bank had consumed a huge portion of their energy, leaving them with languorous movements, hushed voices and bleary gazes. Typically, they would be spending evenings after promotions together; preening themselves in front of the mirror, removing every bit of color caking their faces and simultaneously doing what Youngjo called 'platonic flirting'- which was basically just them throwing pickup lines and compliments at each other- those were just another part of their daily routines at the dorm. 

  
  


It didn't even change today- for Hwanwoong and Keonhee were with him as well in the bathroom- but going through an hour washing off makeup from his visage and doing skincare without any of their usual teasing and joking was strange for Dongju. He wasn't used to the stifling silence of the dorm, whereas it never knew the meaning of quietude once all the six of them had moved into the building; especially not with their frenetic banters about the pettiest of things (yes, they even fought once about how their shoes should be placed at the front door), or how everyone would join in once someone belted out a high note, their harmonized voices bouncing off the walls of the dorm (Dongju still couldn't find a particular explanation for this particular ritual. Irate complaints had yet to be sent to their dorm's mailbox from vexed neighbors trying to hit the sack).

  
  


_ "Hey, Seoho." Youngjo's head tilted towards Seoho, nimble fingers still dabbing a cotton pad against his lips, and as he pulled it away, it came off red. The red of his favorite cherry lip tint. Dongju resisted the urge to roll his eyes; he knew very well where this was going, but judging on how Seoho's movements had stilled, his hyung was unsuspecting of the ineludible words threatening to leave Youngjo's smirking lips. _

  
  


_ "Yeah, hyung?" Seoho replied, words nearly incomprehensible through a mouthful of toothpaste bubbles as he made eye contact with the eldest through the mirror. _

  
  


_ "Am I in a museum? Because you're a piece of art that I'd like to pin to the wall." _

  
  


_ Noises erupted from each of them: Hwanwoong had let out a theatrical gasp, a hand hovering above his mouth, Keonhee's shoulders shook with amusement, Geonhak- whom had shared the same insight as Dongju did- cringed, eyeing Youngjo with distaste, whilst the person whom the pick up line was directed to clung to the sink, almost desperately as he spat out the toothpaste, ditzy giggles in between his coughing. _

  
  


_ "Jesus, Youngjo hyung. Can't you pick a better time? He could've died accidentally swallowing the toothpaste." Dongju chided, lips curling downwards in a pejorative scowl as Geonhak's hand hit Seoho's back a few times to soothe him from his coughing fit. It sure as hell didn't work, for Seoho's face was already florid as he scrambled for the tap. _

  
  


_ "Oh my-" Seoho snickered, rinsing his lips with water in between each cough- "hyung, that was hella unexpected. I thought you weren't meant to touch the masterpieces if we're in a museum?" _

  
  


_ "May the best flirter wins. The battle commences now!" _

  
  


_ "What can you say? I know I'm gorgeous and irresistible." Peals of incredulous laughter flooded the cramped bathroom- including Dongju's own- at Youngjo's blatant hubris. That was another one of Youngjo's quirk that had remained after all these years, albeit it was a habit from his trainee days. He still hadn't changed ever since, but it was not an irksome matter; they'd found it too jocular to be taken seriously most of the time. All of them were too used to each other's droll foibles from the period they'd spent together training, together planting the seeds of the flowers that would bloom on the path to their success in the future post-debuting. _

  
  


_ "More like gorgeous but insufferable." Hwanwoong shook his head at Youngjo's answer, and Keonhee nodded at their dancer's cheeky quip, though it was prominent that the 98 liners were hiding their smiles. _

  
  


_ "Did you hear that, Hakkie? Hwanwoong and Keonhee didn't deny that I am gorgeous-" Geonhak made a retching sound; Dongju could envisage his nauseated countenance behind the face towel, and he couldn't help but to grin at the picture painted in his mind. _

  
  


_ "Yah-" Keonhee began, indignant, and Dongju began to hum loudly, pressing his hands against his ears to block out whatever stroppy, petulant babble of dissent from the former.  _

  
  


_ "You're so full of yourself, hyung!" Geonhak deadpanned, tone didactic as he threw a black jacket in Youngjo's direction. The eldest's reflexes didn't fail him as he effortlessly caught it in mid air just before it hit him smack right in the face. "And do pick up your clothes from the floor!" He added, already shrugging off their paltry jest as he ambled out of Dongju's vision, being the first to finish cleaning up. _

  
  


_ "Hey, come on! We all know they'll always look better on the floor than on me, right-" _

  
  


_ "Hey, hyung~" Seoho crooned, having recovered from his near death by choking on fruit flavored toothpaste, and everyone's gazes in the bathroom fell on him at once- Keonhee and Hwanwoong's harmony of titters were not left unnoticed by Seoho, who shot them a salacious look- waiting for him to continue. Dongju braced himself for the impending second-hand embarrassment about to conquer him, inhaling sharply.  _

  
  


_ "Come on Dongju, it's not like it could get any worse-" Alas, his monologue was cut off too soon by Seoho's brash comeback. _

  
  


_ "Is it hot here, or is it just you?" The vocalist purred, a coquettish smirk plastered on his visage as he fanned himself, and it was too unfortunate for Geonhak- who apparently hadn't left the vicinity yet- his ears fell victim to every bit of the spicy ordeal as Keonhee and Hwanwoong yelled, sliding to the the floor before they wheezed, wiping tears from their eyes. Dongju covered his face with his hands, already wilting away at the cringe. _

  
  


_ "Fuck you two, get a room!" The rapper hissed from outside, but Dongju knew they were far from being done based on how their eyes were leering at each other. At least he was done, and it's now or never. He better slip away before he got roped in this flirting game. Didn't help with the fact that every one of his hyungs knew that he was easily panicked when it came to situations like this. _

  
  


_ "Seoho hyung, everyone knows that pickup line!" Hwanwoong snorted as he made grabby hands at Keonhee to pull him up from the tiled floor.  _

  
  


_ "Hang on, I've got another one. Don't think victory is yours tonight, hyung." Seoho's laughter faded in a decrescendo and his hushed words halted Dongju from pushing the sliding door of their bathroom open, pivoting on his heels to take one last glance at his two flirtatious hyungs.  _

  
  


_ "It's my turn, you brat." Youngjo grinned, crossing his arms, and Dongju tore his eyes away at the sight of their eldest hyung's biceps flexing underneath the sleeves of his t-shirt. God, living with five boisterous, hot men in a cramped dorm was both a blessing and suffering he had never asked for. "Aside from being sexy, what else do you do for a living?" _

  
  


_ He knew that Seoho was just as frisky as Youngjo- if not even more- and that maybe he should've just fled like how Geonhak did, but for some reason, he wanted to hear the end of this: would Youngjo or Seoho win tonight's round of their platonic flirting game? Youngjo's foot tapped in anticipation he stared smugly at Seoho in a false sense of victory, whose stare had dropped to the floor, nibbling on his lower lip in deliberation. The tension between his two hyungs were thickening with each passing second that Dongju pondered whether a knife could possibly slice through it. _

  
  


_ "They say that kissing is a language of love, so…" Seoho's half lidded gaze lifted up to meet Youngjo's, and Dongju swore, he could see the rapper's sangfroid crack at the look of Seoho's eyes, which seemed to be burning at how they pierced through Youngjo with such intensity. "Would you mind starting a conversation with me?" _

  
  


_ Dongju's palm smacked his forehead, the clapping sound of skin against skin reflecting off the walls of their shared bathroom. _

  
  


_ "Oh my god! He  _ **_blushed,_ ** _ the almighty flirt king Kim Youngjo is  _ **_blushing!_ ** _ " Keonhee exclaimed, squealing as he smacked Hwanwoong's arm repetitively, who was too dazed at Youngjo's reaction that he was agape, barely paying heed to Keonhee's limb assailing his own. "Seoho hyung has managed to outflirt  _ **_the_ ** _ Kim Youngjo out of all people! The winner for tonight's round goes to… Lee Seoho! Congratulations!" _

__

Dongju's lips pulled into a thin line as he closed down one of the many tabs he'd left open in his head, averting a weary gaze to a half-asleep Keonhee. He was barely keeping himself awake with his eyelids drooping more and more with each passing second, chin rested on his hand, arm propped up, teetering on the edge of the armrest of the sofa he shared with Hwanwoong- barely paying attention to the movie in front of them, nor did he take notice of Keonhee dozing off beside him- who was clearly much more interested in whatever's on his phone screen rather than the end credits of the 2020 version of Mulan rolling on the television. 

  
  


_ Huh. I didn't notice that the movie was over. Finally. I can't believe how shitty the live-action remake of Mulan is.  _ Dongju's eyebrows furrowed as he slipped out from the blankets that swaddled him; proceeding to rise on his knees, he lifted and pushed cushions off the chaise longue he had cocooned on for the past two hours in a futile attempt to locate the object that played and frolicked about in his thoughts for the past minute.  _ Where the hell is that damned remote? Why is it when I need you, you're not around?  _

  
  


His actions however, were not unnoticed by the dancer sitting a few feet away, who shot him a bemused glance as Hwanwoong pushed his glasses up his nose. 

  
  


"What are you doing, Dongju?" Dongju sighed exaggeratedly, flopping back down on the chaise longue, a sulk threatening to form on his face, but an aggrieved smile took its place in lieu.

  
  


"This movie sucked and I can't find the remote." Dongju answered, nearly adding the "duh" at the end of his sentence.

  
  


"It's with me." Hwanwoong grinned, brandishing said item in his grasp- much to his indignance- Keonhee on his shoulder already snoring. "Do you still want to watch anything?"

  
  


Dongju shook his head at once.

  
  


"I might be calling it a night, hyung. I'm pretty beat." This was no lie, truth be told. The images of his bed, DoongDoongie and pillows haunted him the whole day, and the numbers on the clock implored them to get some sleep already. Hwanwoong simply nodded, a fleeting eye contact was enough to tell Dongju that he shared the same sentiment as he patted Keonhee awake, turning off the television with the remote.

  
  


Truth be told, Dongju had no idea why he chose to watch the movie tonight in lieu of being kinder to himself and letting himself get some extra hours of beauty sleep. (And no, it's totally  **not** because he was waiting for the hyungs to return with Keonhee and Hwanwoong. He's obviously  **not** worried about them still not being home at such a late hour of the night.)

  
  


"Wait, we're no longer waiting for the hyungs?" Came a groggy drawl from Keonhee, who raised his arms as he stretched out of the uncomfortable position he had been sleeping in. Dongju tore his glance away from the two, picking up the mess of cushions he had made on the floor (no matter how enervated he was, he was determined to never slip up and let this dorm turn into a pigsty. As long as he lived here, he would never allow such abomination to happen; despite living with five other men who had made it onerous, he remained undaunted with his motive to maintain their dorm's squeaky clean and well compartmentalized state). 

  
  


Youngjo, being their eldest, had asked their manager if they could have an early dinner together at a restaurant in downtown Seoul straight after Music Bank rather than cooking their own at the dorms, and it had gotten more boisterous cheers of assent than questions of reason; all three hyungs, Seoho, Geonhak and Youngjo had exchanged knowing glances throughout the car ride, but Dongju had brushed it off as insignificant matter. The amount of food piling up on their table later- from tantalizing samgyeopsal and bulgogi, to scrumptious tteokbokki and seolleongtang- was all it took to erase the curiosity bugging at Dongju's mind. Only when they reached the company that the hyungs had announced of their other plans for the night: Geonhak on VLive to catch up with To Moons, Seoho at the studio to record a cover of an English song that Dongju had never heard of before and Youngjo out with his MixNine acquaintances (apparently, one of them with the name of Hyunsuk had debuted recently, and they decided it was worth a grand celebration at another restaurant. Explained why Youngjo barely casted a glance at their food earlier).

  
  


Hence, those were the reasons as to why their dorm was filled with unabating silence. It had been about 3 hours, or so since then, and as much as he hated to admit it, he had already begrudgingly accepted the lack of occupants in their dorm. And also, with the disconcerting lack of caterwauling, Dongju was slowly, but gradually, losing his mind. He would always prefer listening to his members rather than both his thoughts and breathing. 

  
  


He let out a sigh as the door to Keonhee and Hwanwoong's room shut soundlessly, rearranging the cushions in their respective spots on the chaise longue, knowing that at least when he trudged off to his room tonight- where the warmth of his blankets and the solace of his plushies await- there weren't any chores left unattended to in the dorm for his future self tomorrow.

  
  


_ You'll thank yourself later, Dongju. _

  
  


Soft argentine light emanating from the bedimmed kitchen flooded his vision as the artificial glow of the television winked out, guiding him as he trudged along the hallway leading to his shared bedroom with Youngjo.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_ Myeong, you awake? (11:38 pm) _

  
  
  


His fatigued eyes fell on the four digits that glared back at him from his phone screen. Even as the needles of the wall clock shyly inched closer and closer to midnight, Dongju found it difficult to get his eyelids shut, tossing and turning underneath his duvets for about half an hour (or, was it an hour? An hour and a half? Dongju lost track of time)- to no avail, much to his chagrin, for every single limb and joint of his body were screaming from lassitude- until he relinquished and slipped his hand underneath his pillow for his phone, immediately texting his twin. 

  
  


For some unknown reason, Dongmyeong still hadn't replied yet, which was much unlike himself, for Dongmyeong had always been inseparable from his phone. It would take anyone a wild goose chase and one chainsaw just to prise said device out of his twin's grasp.

  
  


Whereas he expected Dongmyeong's reply in the notification bar, what he'd gotten in lieu was a stream of non receding texts from the 00z liner group chat. Without thinking twice, he tapped on the notification which immediately bombarded his view with a litany of messages from his peers, making him squint at his phone- on second thought, maybe he should've activated night mode first before simply opening their chat. He pressed a fist into his eyes, berating himself for possibly blinding himself. His gaze fell on DoongDoongie that was left ignored and cold out of Dongju's arms.

  
  


"Stop judging me like that." He frowned at the plush toy, locking their gazes together (well, DoongDoongie's eyes were a pair of shut eyelids, so the plush toy wasn't even staring at him to begin with) before Dongju thrusted out a hand, shoving it off his bed. 

  
  
  


_ The Boyz' Sunwoo: _ _ come on, Jinyoung-ssi. we've all done our comebacks, when is CIX's? (11:36 pm) _

_ CIX's Bae Jinyoung: _ _ actually, it's in October, not far off actually ㅋㅋㅋ Can't you guys wait just a bit more? (11:36 pm) _

_ Stray Kids' Felix: _ _ hey, your leg is doing better now right, Jinyoung? (11:36 pm) _

  
  
  


Dongju's lips pursed upon reading some of the first few texts. He wasn't an active member, rather more to a silent reader than the one who would lead conversations, hence as to why the controversial gossips and banal stories of the 00 liners of their industry were a foreign language to him. He checked the group chat every now then to make sure he wasn't missing out on anything important (like gatherings or birthdays), but he was desperate, so, **so desperate** for some rest; albeit it was unprecedented for Dongju to join their conversation, he dolorously hoped that the humdrum of the chatroom enough to lull him to sleep. Nolens volens, he had no choice but to venture out further into uncharted territories (which were their chat) hoping to exhaust himself enough into getting some shut eye.

  
  
  


_ AB6IX's Daehwi: _ _ Jinyoung-ah~~~ won't u join the 빵빵즈 group performances with Hyunjin, Sanha, Bomin and me once ur fully healed? stop saying our performances don't suit ur style!!!! (11:37 pm) _

_ NCT's Haechan: _ _ GUYS I JUST MET OUR TWO NEW MEMBERS FOR THE FIRST TIME JUST NOW DURING DINNER (11:37 pm) _

_ CIX's Bae Jinyoung: _ _ yep Felix, thanks for asking. Pretty glad C9's allowed me to fully recover. and no, Daehwi, it's not about it not fitting my style, but still, I'm good (11:37 pm) _

_ NCT's Haechan: _ _ WE HAVE TWO JAPANESE MEMBERS NOW FHSKHDKSHD AAAAAAAAAAAAAA (11:37 pm) _

_ AB6IX's Daehwi: _ _ jeez, fine then. spoilsport. just admit that u have the hots for hyunjin (11:38 pm) _

_ Ateez's Jongho: _ _ okay, guys, what did I miss? i just left the phone for half an hour and returned to 583 unread messages (11:38 pm) _

_ NCT's Haechan: _ _ WHY IS EVERYONE IGNORING ME??? (11:38 pm) _

_ Stray Kids' Hyunjin: _ _ I just joined the chatroom and that's the first thing I see… (11:38 pm) _

_ CIX'S Bae Jinyoung: _ _ DAEHWI YOU LITTLE SHIT (11:38 pm) _

_ Treasure's Junkyu: _ _ oof tea spilled- (11:39 pm) _

_ Astro's Sanha: _ _ ah, theyve been discussing comebacks, and I've been lurking around. see ya around, jong. @ me if there's anything important (11:39 pm) _

_ 1team's Junghoon: _ _ can't blame him, ive been lurking as well :p (11:39 pm) _

_ Astro's Sanha: _ _ lurking is the way of life, ciao bitches <3 ALSO RUN DAEHWI RUN (11:39 pm) _

_ The Boyz's Sunwoo: _ _ SANHA DAMN IT GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE WE KNOW YOURE ABOUT TO RELEASE ANOTHER ALBUM (11:39 pm) _

  
  
  


Dongju's hand flew to his mouth as his shoulders rose and fell with each laughter. Probably if he had not been so reserved and distant, maybe he could've easily slipped into the conversation and gone crazy with them without feeling so out of place, like a strange puzzle piece that didn't fit in with the others, or akin to the imposter surrounded by crewmates in Among Us. Just  _ probably.  _ He slapped his cheek lightly a few times, astounded with his own thoughts, such incredulous ones at that, pondering where his marbles could've gone to. He's already unsociable and kept a lot to himself, talking to them would be a step out of his comfort zone. The times he'd actually speak up in the chat was whenever Dongmyeong was around. The giggling that bubbled out of his chest died as he reached out for his Airpods. Since Dongmyeong might be caught up in much more important things- like maybe a late night practice with the members or that he was with Giwook, doing whatever things that best friends would do that Dongju couldn't possibly care about, because wherever Giwook is present, his twin would be as well, as they're basically peas in a pod- he might as well stop waiting and moping around like a sad puppy for a reply for his twin and listen to some music instead.

  
  
  


_ Giwook-ssi: _ _ shameless promo here haha anyway onewe come back soon xx also hyuck, heard your new japanese member is a 00 liner? you should totally add him :333 (11:39 pm) _

_ Treasure's Jihoon: _ _ everyone press f for daehwi, i can hear jinyoung sunbae strangling him in the background ㅎㅎㅎ (11:40 pm) _

_ Ateez's Jongho: _ _ Sanha went offline lol he totally ain't spoiling shit ㅋㅋㅋ (11:40 pm) _

_ DKB's Lune: _ _ guys look at our teaser photos!!! work hard will be released at the end of october ^^ please support our comeback and give it lots of love and support!!! (11:40 pm) _

_ NCT's Haechan: _ _ THATS WHY IM TRYING TO GRAB EVERYONES ATTENTION IS IT OKAY IF I ADD HIM ???? (11:41 pm) _

_ Stray Kids' Felix: _ _ just add him dude at least we'll get to know if he's another silent reader or the loud type (11:41 pm) _

_ wow Lune, you kinda look a bit like Hyunjin with| _

  
  
  


Dongju's fingers halted mid sentence.

  
  


_ Wait, wasn't that Giwook? Giwook is online at such late hours, right now, caught up in all the huggle muggle of the 00z liner group chat? What even? _

  
  


He proceeded to scroll back upwards through the new stream of messages flooding the chatroom, eyes wildly flitting and scanning the screen for that one particular message.

  
  
  


_ Giwook-ssi: _ _ shameless promo here haha anyway onewe come back soon xx also hyuck, heard your new japanese member is a 00 liner? you should totally add him :333 (11:39 pm) _

  
  
  


Giwook was  **online** at the moment. Well, basically, 5 minutes ago.

  
  


_Which was quite unlike him. Or the rest of Onewe,_ _especially at this hour,_ Dongju mulled.

  
  


Onewe, on a daily basis, would conduct multiple practice sessions, but they drew the line at 11 pm because au contraire to Oneus, they weren't practice addicts, to say the least. They weren't exactly the type to overwork themselves, because to quote Dongmyeong: "We don't want to die from exhaustion, unlike you crazy asses. We have a whole life ahead of us to enjoy, so if you guys wanna live your hag years reminiscing and being bitter about how all you guys did was practice now and not have any fun or some decent sleep, then be our guest." And when they  **did** pull all nighters (which was an occurrence that happened only one in a blue moon; Hwanwoong had reasoned as to why it was so was the fact Onewe were nothing but wusses, during a dance practice once. Dongju didn't argue, nor did he agree with the statement) they'd do it  **together.** One member awake meant all five were awake.

  
  


_ Because that's what best friends do.  _ Dongmyeong's voice and laughter rang in Dongju's head. 

  
  


_ So, Dongmyeong might be awake after all.  _

  
  


Albeit they bickered often, Dongju and Dongmyeong were each other's refuge and safe place. They'd go to each other first for comfort or advice before anyone else. It had always been that way, ever since they were in kindergarten up until now. 

  
  


No matter the circumstances, they had always gotten each other's backs.

  
  


Dongmyeong was the first to pull him back to his feet after his first fall at the playground when they were five, the one to help him with the cut on his knee.

  
  


Wiping Dongmyeong's tears just before his first performance with Onewe, Dongju had soothed him, mumbling affirmations into his ear as he randomly traced circles on Dongmyeong's hands, both clasped in his own.

  
  


Dongmyeong did the same when Dongju padded into his room one midnight; they were still in high school together then, and his twin was more than willing to dry Dongju's red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks, comforting him and advising him to not pay too much heed about his first breakup and that maybe it was for the best, for better things were coming his way. Dongju's boyfriend had fallen out of love and left him behind to chase after his dreams, and Dongmyeong had held him in his embrace close to his chest that night, letting him cry his heart out as he serenaded Dongju to sleep, their limbs tangled together.

  
  


Even during nights where Dongju's head was plagued with perpetual doubts of the precarious future, haunted by the ceaseless insinuations of the regrets of his past, Dongmyeong was his anchor, to always remind him and keep him tethered to the present; because like what his twin had told him, the time now was a gift, hence that was why it was called the present and Dongju should make the most out of it and not allow any of his fear thwart him from living.  _ Life's all about living, so what's the point of only surviving, hmm? If you keep on living holding yourself back, Ju, you're better off a corpse that way. _

  
  


He needed to listen to Dongmyeong's voice to soothe his nerves tonight.

  
  
  


_ wow Lune, you kinda look a bit like Hyunjin with that long hair| _

  
  
  


He finished the text at once and pressed send, before immediately calling the contact saved as 'Myeongie'.

  
  


The call was only picked up after what felt like a long, tedious wait, but he soon heard a voice as three rings had passed.

  
  


"H-"

  
  


"Yah, Myeong, you're still up?" He said without preamble in his typical blithe way, albeit his tone wasn't as lighthearted as usual: lassitude had reduced his voice to a hoarse whisper, and he didn't manage to carry the flippant tone he intended. He just… he just sounded jaded, if anything. 

  
  


"Oh, hey Ju. It's not Dongmyeong here." 

  
  


Dongju sat up at once, his frazzled countenance segueing into a dread-stricken expression.  _ Giwook had answered the phone. _

  
  


_ The last thing I wanted tonight is to talk to him again. _

  
  


"It's Giwook. Why did you call?" After a heavy silence, Giwook continued, his drawl slower than that of his wonted nonchalant tone. "Ah, Dongju is calling you." 

  
  


Dongju pursed his lips, feeling his tongue got tied. 

  
  


"Aish, what could that fucker possibly want at this hour? Tell him I'm busy! It's so strange for him to call out of the blue." Despite harsh sounding, banters like this were normal between the both of them and Dongju's lips curled into a smile when he detected the laughter in Dongmyeong's voice.

  
  


"Myeongie, be nice! He's your twin!"

  
  


"More like someone I should've eaten back when we were in the womb." Dongmyeong muttered, grumbling slightly.

  
  


"I heard that." Dongju deadpanned, swinging his legs to the side of the bed, leaning down and scooping DoongDoongie off the floor. "I just wanted to talk to Dongmyeong. Can you please pass the phone to him?" He continued, returning the plush toy under the warmth of his duvets; he had no desire whatsoever to stay on the phone with his ex. All he wanted was to talk to his twin, not the bassist of Onewe who broke his heart three years ago. Dongju pondered momentarily whichever god up there in heavens that had been spiting him, and what could've he done to deserve this: the path of his life crossing with Giwook's once more. 

  
  


It wasn't that he's oblivious to the fact that his ex happened to still be in the band his twin brother had joined in high school. Back then, Kanghyun, Harin, his twin and ex had formed the band; they had called themselves MAS0094 only after they found a particular Jin Yonghoon. Upon their first listen to him- in which the rest of Onewe had claimed that he had 'the voice of angels singing hymns'- they've decided to adopt their eldest and that's how the band of five was born.

  
  


_ "You know what Onewe feels like to me, Ju-yah?" Dongmyeong spoke, raising his head from his fingers that ghosted over the black keys of the piano. _

  
  


_ "What?" He asked, looking up from his phone at the sudden question and his twin's facial expression. _

  
  


_ "My happily ever after. It just feels like what home is to me. Don't get me wrong, Ju," his twin shook his head, "our family is still my family and nothing could ever compare to that. But Onewe… to me, is what I'd call 'found family'-" _

  
  


_ "Ah, cool." Dongju awkwardly replied and closed his mouth at once, realizing that somehow his jaw was hanging open and he had possibly humiliated himself in front of his twin, looking like an utter fool. Just great. "Nice to know." _

  
  


_ "Dongju." Dongmyeong rose from the piano bench and began to take slow, deliberate steps towards him. Dongju quirked an eyebrow again, leaning backwards when his twin crouched in front of him so that Dongmyeong only had to tilt his head upwards slightly for their eyes to meet. _

  
  


_ "Dongmyeong." He answered, blasé. _

  
  


_ "I know right now you're feeling lost in trying to figure out what is it that you really want in your life. Especially with how things fell apart with Giwook recently-" Dongju tensed up at the mention of his ex's name and Dongmyeong's face contorted, clearly hesitant to continue- "and how I've met Onewe and decided that they are the decision that I'll make for my future, I'm sure you felt…" _

  
  


_ "Left behind?" Dongju suggested as he put his phone down. If he had to be honest, he wasn't sure of what he felt about the current situation. He had been unable to get out of bed for a few days following the breakup, crying into his pillow and wondering where all of it went wrong, mulling and deliberating on what exactly did he want as his future, now that Giwook was out of the picture; it felt as if a thick fog had suffused throughout his mind, causing everything to become hazy and nondescript. He didn't know where to go, where he was. He didn't know which step to pursue, or which path to take.  _

  
  


_ "Alone." Dongmyeong finished his sentence, tearing his gaze away. "But that too. I'm always here for you, okay? You are not alone and me being in Onewe does not mean I'm gone from your life." _

  
  


_ "I know. I guess I'm just… envious since you belong somewhere," Dongju shook his head, "and here I am, a wanderer, tirelessly trying to find some place to finally call home and be a part of. You're so lucky, Myeong." _

  
  


_ Dongmyeong offered a sad smile as he laced their fingers together. _

  
  


_ "Sometimes you don't have to search for home, Dongju." Dongmyeong stated, fingertip tracing some random patterns on the back of his hand. "I wasn't even looking when I found Onewe. And I've never felt more at home rather than with them. So…" His twin squeezed his hand, looking back up at him. "Just stop searching for now and instead let them find you, Ju, whoever they might be. The best has yet to come." _

  
  


_ "How do I know if it's really them, then?" He questioned, voice small and quiet like a child's.  _

  
  


_ "You'll know. When the time comes, you'll know. That's the most beautiful thing about it, especially if you weren't even searching for it in the first place." _

  
  


"He wants to talk to you." Giwook stated, short and direct, and Dongju was pulled back into the weight of his reality.

  
  


"What about no." Dongmyeong said coyly, and Dongju could hear the scuffling in the background, and the laughter that followed after made him raise an eyebrow.

  
  


"Hey, maybe it's something important!" At this point, Giwook sounded  **desperate.** Perhaps, he too, Dongju presumed, was feeling the tension in the air enveloping them, hence why he seemed more than keen to pass the phone off to Dongmyeong.

  
  


"Last time he called, he nagged my ears off, for like, what? An hour straight? Just because I borrowed his plushie-"

  
  


"He didn't ask for permission." Dongju interrupted, looking down at the legs he swung back and forth.

  
  


"-if it's another one of those tirades again, I'll pass."

  
  


"Giwook, just put me on speaker." Dongju finally said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

  
  


"Wait, really?" 

  
  


"Just do it. Please." Dongju pleaded. 

  
  


He heard a click after and Dongmyeong's voice rang into his ear. "What is it?" He began, forcing a vexed tone into the smooth cadences of his words, sounding alike to the cliche mean girl character in every high school drama Dongju had ever watched. "I have other important things to tend to-"

  
  


"Bitch, you didn't even ask for my permission before you  **stole** my plushie from me! Well, whatever, I called because-" Dongju chided, but Dongmyeong was faster to cut him off mid sentence with an exasperated yell.

  
  


"Ah, I knew it!" Dongju took in a sharp breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. "You're gonna bring that up again-"

  
  


"That's not it, Dongmyeong. Not yet, anyway." He continued, now finding that he's got his nails between his teeth.  _ Gross,  _ he thought as he wiped his fingertips on his shirt.

  
  


"Then? Why did you decide to grace me with a phone call in such late hours of the night? Heck, it's not even night anymore, it's freaking  **midnight** ."

  
  


"Well…" Dongju hesitated, ruminating on his next words; they came out in a faint decrescendo after a short while. "I can't sleep."

  
  


After those words left his throat without much ease, a hushed silence fell at the other end of the line, loud enough to make Dongju second-guess his decision of calling Dongmyeong tonight. Maybe he was being too demanding. Maybe he was being too clingy.

  
  


_ Maybe I should have never called- _

  
  


"Give me the phone, Giwook." Dongmyeong snapped, to both Dongju and Giwook's surprise; his jaw went slack and he could hear the faintest gasp on their side. 

  
  


"But your nails aren't dry yet-"

  
  


"Oi, does it look like I care? Give me that-" 

  
  


"What if you stain the phone with it?"

  
  


"I don't know if you've noticed, Giwook, but that phone is mine. I. Don't. Care." Dongju could hear more scuffling, however, sounding more aggressive this time with Dongmyeong's infuriated yell and a loud yelp from Giwook; he winced at the noise, staring at his screen in wonder (and slight exasperation) whatever the hell could've happened on the other end of the line.

  
  


"Ju-yah." The belated answer he had been waiting for finally came. "Giwook, can you give us some privacy? Thanks." The bassist's complaints were drowned in the sound of a door being slammed shut and the labored sigh that followed suit.

  
  


"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

  
  


Dongju shook his head. "I don't know. I've been tossing and turning for like- like- I don't even know. Like two hours? I've tried everything, fluffing the pillows, sleeping with a different plushie-"

  
  


"Have your socks on?" 

  
  


"I did everything, Myeongie. I can't tell what's wrong."

  
  


"Okay well… Talk to me, yeah? What are you thinking of?" His twin persuaded, sotto voce.

  
  


_ About what happened between Giwook and I. About my presence in Oneus. About the future. About my members- _

  
  


"Dongju, I can hear the gears in your head turning. Your brain is going into overdrive. Calm down."

  
  


"I don't even know where to begin with. It feels like my thoughts are strings of yarn."

  
  


Dongmyeong hummed, a signal telling him to continue.

  
  


"Usually, those strings go their own way in my brain. Interconnected with each other; sometimes they cross, sometimes they don't." Dongju rose from the bed, and sauntered towards the door. "Tonight they're all tangled up together and I have no idea how to sort them out. Kinda like a naughty cat had just randomly wandered into my head, saw those strings and went 'yeah, let's fuck up these strings'."

  
  


"Uhuh. So you're the reason why I can't sleep too, even though it's already midnight?" Dongmyeong drawled teasingly, and that managed to coax laughter out of Dongju as the door behind him swung shut soundlessly; he could imagine Dongmyeong leaning against the table, with a hip jutted out, a hand resting there as he sassily called him out for their twin connection thing. "You little brat, you know that I can't sleep when you can't! Same like how whenever you're sick, I get sick too!"

  
  


"Sorry." Dongju responded penitently.

  
  


"Pfft. You know what Mom used to do back then whenever the both of us can't sleep?" Dongmyeong chuckled, and an image of Dongmyeong pacing about the length of the room was painted in his mind as he made his way toward the living room.

  
  


"Hmm… she did a lot of things. Which one are you talking about? Is it her confiscating our phones, or pulling the plug of our PCs-" he droned on- "turn off our WiFi router…"

  
  


"Aish, not that! That's when our grades in school dropped." Dongmyeong retorted; he knew well that he would possibly earn himself a smack or two for the next sentence he was about to say if he was having a physical, face to face conversation with his twin.

  
  


"I mean, those never happened to me but only you, so how am I supposed to know the differ-"

  
  


"Dongju, you insolent bastard, I should've kicked your ass back then when Mom was still carrying us." Dongju snorted at that, halting in the middle of the hallway, eyes darting towards the front door.

  
  


_ They're still not home. _

  
  


"You're stuck with me, Dongmyeong."

  
  


"Oh… how woeful it is for me, such a queen as I, to have such peasant as a twin. A tragedy, for how am I so ill-starred…" Dongmyeong whined, a theatrical reaction that Dongju had grown quite accustomed to to even be annoyed by it any more.

  
  


"'How am I so ill-starred…' How high are you atop of your high horse, huh, Your Majesty? Don't make this humble peasant kick you off there. Stop being so dramatic, gosh."

  
  


"You're even a bigger drama queen than I have ever been in my 20 years of life, Ju." Dongmyeong scoffed, only to burst out in gaily laughter seconds after. Dongju joined him.

  
  


"We're both drama queens, Myeong. Two halves of a whole idiot. Now, what is it that you were about to tell me about Mom?"

  
  


"...What?"

  
  


"You dummy. Did you forget? You were about to tell me what Mom did for us when we were younger and couldn't sleep, remember?" He snickered, squinting his eyes in the darkness of their dorm. 

  
  


"Oh yeah. That. Stop distracting me, now I've gotten sidetracked."

  
  


"I distracted you? What even? You were the one who asked- fuck!" Dongju yowled, nearly dropping his phone as he hopped on one foot, pitifully clutching the other unfortunate foot that had collided with the leg of the three seater sofa that Hwanwoong and Keonhee had canoodled on merely hours ago. "Stupid fucking couch, why the hell are you there?"

  
  


"Are you legit wandering around the dorm at this hour? In the dark?" Dongmyeong teased, earning a snarky remark from him in return.

  
  


"Do not judge me, you've done shit that were far dumber." He dropped himself on the sofa, his body leaning against the armrest as he winced at the jolting pain.

  
  


"No lies there. When I live with four other idiots, it's inevitable."

  
  


"Even before that you've always been dumb."

  
  


"Dumb and dumber, you and I." Dongmyeong clapped his hands once, a staccato rest signalling the end of their banter. "Anyway. When we can't sleep back then, usually Mom would bring us warm milk- you know, those mixed with cinnamon and honey- and… was it cookies?"

  
  


"You've watched too many English movies. There's no way she'd let us have sugar at this hour of the night."

  
  


"Ah no! That's not it…" Dongju could hear his twin's tsk, accompanied by him snapping his fingers in thought. "Wait, I think I remember. She used to get under the blankets with us and cuddle us to sleep. Sometimes there's a bit of talking too, if we needed to rant out about our problems and such."

  
  


"Ah. Cuddles." He replied begrudgingly, though the idea of being swathed in someone's warm embrace right now was something… tempting. When was the last time he had been hugged or cuddled with anyone? "If it wasn't Keonhee and Hwanwoong hyung's favorite form of PDA."

  
  


"Please. Science has proven that physical forms of affection can make you healthier and contribute to a longer life. We-" Dongmyeong continued with a haughty tone- "have cuddle sessions every night. Who's doing it like Onewe? Huh?"

  
  


"The five of you are the gayest bunch of people I've ever seen. Even gayer than Keonhee and Hwanwoong hyung."

  
  


"And? I do not see your point. Showing affection isn't gay, gosh, Dongju." Dongju opened his mouth, about to comment that Onewe was polyamorous and obviously they won't have any problems with being openly affectionate, since they're basically dating each other but then he decided against it. "Are the two lovebirds already sleeping, by the way? I mean. You could always third wheel you know-"

  
  


"No? I'm not even dating Keonhee and Hwanwoong hyung? And what exactly made you think I'd go around the dorm asking any of them to cuddle with me? That's just-" Dongju retorted, earning a noise of disapproval.

  
  


"Damn. Don't tell me the last time you hugged or cuddled someone was during Onewe's performance at the start of the year. With me."

  
  


"Yep."

  
  


"Well, it makes sense now. You're touch deprived, Ju. That's why you can't sleep."

  
  


_ Touch deprived? Is that even a thing? _

  
  


"No shit Sherlock, it is. I could barely survive a day without any of the members showing me even the slightest bits of affection. The withdrawals, gosh… I get all bitchy and irascible, you know-"

  
  


_ Crap. Did I just think out loud? _

  
  


He groaned as his fingers rubbed at the aching spot on his foot. When was the last time was he ever cuddled with someone? Asked someone to? Allowed someone to? Albeit being the youngest, he wasn't the type to depend on his members much; he'd figure out how to make their choreography work on his own, practicing and improvising his performance as an idol by himself. Likewise in the dorm, he often went on about his own business. Dongju had always been independent, pre-debut and post debuting; lest burdening his hyungs who already had too much on each of their plates, he kept mostly to himself: his troubles, worries and doubts. Being an idol was not an easy feat. Netizens were constantly keeping their eyes on them, nitpicking and dissecting every single aspect of theirs; one mistake, and you could possibly be shunned by the entire industry. Not that Dongju didn't cooperate with his group members. It was rather that he didn't want to be a baggage to them by relying on them too much; he only came to them whenever it was a necessary or important matter. Such negligible things such as needing his hyungs to take care of him as their maknae, or, in this case specifically, wanting cuddles, was never voiced out to them; Dongju locked such trifling wants into a box and threw it into a chasm, deep down in his heart, never to be heard of or seen again. He never wanted to come off as needy or co dependent to his members; he's had  **enough** of all his 'fans' saying that he didn't deserve being in Oneus due to his incompetence and lack of experience. He wanted to prove it to them that he could do it by himself just fine. That he deserved being a member of Oneus, that he  **belonged** here.

  
  


_ Though it's so fucking difficult, staying on this lonely path. They don't see how much I am struggling, trying to work on my weakness to catch up with the others. They don't see how I'm trying to not be a burden to the hyungs. All they know is to criticise, insult and throw their words around without realizing their weight on those affected by it- _

  
  


"-ju. Yah, Dongju! Earth to Son Dongju!" 

  
  


Dongju flinched at the call of his name, raising his head towards the source of the voice as he was pulled out of his reverie; Seoho was frozen on the mat they had placed at the front door, face blanched, a look of horror painted on his typically sunny countenance. Shivers ran down Dongju's spine:  _ what the fuck did Seoho hyung see exactly to the point he couldn't move? A ghost? The grim reaper? A goblin? A poltergeist? _

  
  


"Myeongie." He interrupted his twin midst his rambling. "Thanks for tonight, I have to go. Seoho hyung just came home."

  
  


"Hey Dongju, are you okay-" He hung up the call, disregarding the perturbed tone in Dongmyeong's voice, turning back to see Seoho close the front door soundlessly, kicking off his Vans with a quaint eagerness, causing his eyebrows to knit together.

  
  


"Hyung." He croaked out, and his hand went to his throat reflexively as he cleared his throat.  _ Why does my voice sound so weird?  _ "Is everything-"

  
  


"Dongju-yah." Seoho called out once more, sounding more troubled as he dashed towards him- the next thing Dongju knew, Seoho's bag fell to the ground with a thud and warm hands were cupping his damp cheeks ( _ wait, why are my cheeks wet?) _ ; dark, distraught eyes met his own, asking him thousands of inquiries left unspoken. "Why are you crying in the dark alone?" Seoho's despairing tone, along with his disquieted visage made Dongju feel as if he was just doused by cold water as the realization hit him. He brought fingers up and caressed his cheek; even in the living room he could see the liquid on his fingertips glimmering as they caught a dimmed sliver of the kitchen lights.

  
  


_ Oh. _

  
  


_ I'm crying?  _

  
  


_ But why? _

  
  


"I-" All words that were about to morph into sentences in his mind evanesced as he was enveloped by warmth, face buried into the soft wool of Seoho's coat that tickled his nose, jaw going slack at his hyung's abrupt gesture. 

  
  


"Dongju, dear. Breathe. It's okay." Seoho murmured, one of his hands patting the back of Dongju's head; Dongju's body finally relaxed in Seoho's embrace after a minute of bated breaths, his tears still falling freely, rolling off his cheeks. Seoho continued speaking only when Dongju's erratic breathing evened out. "You've been so different lately, you know that? We're worried but we know you don't like us to push you into talking about… about…" He trailed off, clearly taking his time to choose his words carefully as he traced a finger on Dongju's back. "You don't talk to any of us these days, you don't flirt with us in the bathroom, you don't join our games anymore; suddenly you're just here tonight, crying by yourself. What's going on, Dongju?"

  
  


"Hyung…" Dongju started, lifting up his arms to reciprocate the gesture at last. "I don't even know." The whisper was hoarse from his muted sobs as he buried his face more into Seoho's coat. "I guess it's just a hard time for me. I cried- I just-" Dongju inhaled sharply, trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts into something more coherent- "I really don't know why I just started crying, hyung." 

  
  


"That's alright. It's okay, I tell you, everyone has breakdowns, like- well-" Seoho sighed heavily, shaking his head- "do you want to talk it out? You know that all of us, especially me, we're always here if you need someone, right? I'll be glad to listen to you, Ju. I'm always here." Seoho broke the hug and gripped his shoulders, making their eyes lock together. Dongju bit his lip and diverted his gaze away, feeling his emotions swell at Seoho's words, finding himself at a loss of words as he sat back down on the sofa. 

  
  


_ What is there to talk about, exactly? I don't even know hyung… where do I start from? _

  
  


"Okay, so, how about this?" Seoho went down to his knees, momentarily pulling his lips into a pout- with one glance, Dongju knew his hyung was silently deliberating, judging from the faraway look in his eyes- fingers tapping a steady rhythm on Dongju's shoulders before he finally looked at Dongju and smiled, and Dongju felt his breath hitch in his throat. 

  
  


He loved that smile more than anything else in the world.

  
  


The smile that could possibly melt even the coldest of all winters and bring spring and sunshine, making flowers bloom in its stead. The smile that was akin to a breath of fresh air, clearing all the haze that jumbled up his thoughts and made them inscrutable. The smile that dazzled so brightly that it brought the first light of dawn to shame whenever it appeared, and the smile that left a void inside him that was darker than any midnights when it disappeared. The smile, that whenever Dongju saw it, he couldn't help but to be awestruck, for everything else around him vanished into thin air; they were no longer of any significance to him as  _ oh _ , how Dongju wished time would stop eternally- just like how he felt the entire world pause whenever his hyung smiled- so that Seoho's smile was a moment able for him to capture and keep, breathing and living in his memories forever. It was a smile that affected Dongju by such great margins that he couldn't help but think of it as his favorite thing in the world.

  
  


"Give me ten minutes tops to wash up, and I'll come back. I don't think you're in the right headspace to be left alone tonight. I'll make you some milk, if you'd like?" He hummed at Seoho's words as his vigorous emotions waned gradually as he focused on his hyung's voice. Dongju was no Shakespeare, but Seoho's voice to him was honey: sweet and mellow, conciliating him in so many more ways than one. "Oh wait, take this!" Seoho pressed a tissue pack into his hands, and Dongju momentarily gazed at it with confusion as to where Seoho could possibly had taken it from. There's no way he could magically pull one out of thin air, though Seoho had always been filled with surprises. "I happen to have them with me. You can use them. About what I have said just now… is… that okay with you, Ju-yah? If you don't want me to accompany you tonight- I mean, if… well… if you want to be alone, just tell hyung, okay-?" Seoho stood up briskly, about to make his leave; Dongju's eyes widened slightly and he reached out, both hands grasping Seoho's wrist almost too desperately causing Seoho to still, turning back to him with still the same discombobulated look in his eyes. 

  
  


"Hyung." Dongju choked out, finding it difficult to meet Seoho's fanatical eyes. "Can you… can you please cuddle me to sleep tonight?"

  
  


Silence fell.

  
  


_ Did I just cross lines that I shouldn't have in the first place? Oh no, did I take it too far? _

  
  


"You… you don't have to if you don't want to, of course." Dongju's voice dropped back to a whisper as his grip on Seoho's wrist grew lax. Of course Seoho would've reacted  **that** way; he himself never made an effort to bond with Oneus due to his fear of opening up to them- he had always locked that frail, vulnerable part of himself away, obscured by his cold exterior. The abrupt act was out of character for himself. The Dongju Oneus knew was reserved and austere, not open and clingy. Certainly not who he was at the moment. Plus, Seoho wasn't the touchy or physically affectionate type, only when asked he would have done so. "Sorry. Just forget what I said, hyung. You should probably go and rest-"

  
  


"I'd love to, Dongju." Seoho smiled again, even wider this time that his sincerity radiated off the upwards curl of his lips. "How could I ever say no to that?"

* * *

  
  


"Come here." 

  
  


Dongju obliged without saying anything, firstly lowering one knee onto the bed before choosing to drop the entire weight of his body into Seoho's welcoming arms-  _ if Seoho hyung can easily stand straight even after Keonhee hyung tackled him like a rugby ball back then during our US tour, this shouldn't affect him much. _ His assumption was right, for Seoho's only reaction was a faint "oof"; unfazed, the vocalist immediately hugged Dongju close, carding fingers through his hair idly, again and again and again, both of them at ease with the silence that encompassed them. It was almost as if Dongju was 17 again, back into Dongmyeong's snug embrace underneath the fairy lights his twin had hung up just above his bed, right after he'd dashed off in the cold rainy night home after his relationship with Giwook had come to an end.

  
  


"Is this comfortable for you, Ju?" Seoho cut through the stillness between them after some time had passed with a question and Dongju- who was already being lulled to sleep from Seoho's ministrations through his hair- nodded, before looking up to meet Seoho's eyes. 

  
  


"Are you okay with this, hyung?" He asked in return, closing his fists into Seoho's shirt. Everyone knew that Seoho wasn't the type to initiate physical affection and such, and that consent was always needed before any member of Oneus decided to hug him or give him a kiss (Dongju was somehow glad Seoho was not in Onewe, otherwise Seoho would be suffering from the amount of PDA Onewe did on a daily basis).

  
  


"Yeah. It feels nice to do this every now and then." His eyes turned into crescents as he smiled, his breath fanning Dongju's face when he whispered again. "Are you feeling better now?"

  
  


"Sort of. I'm sorry if I've made you freak out just now."

  
  


"You didn't. I was just worried, that's all. You know I hate it when I see anyone so down in the dumps, right? You're our maknae, after all." Seoho stated as he pulled the duvets over them, effectively muting out the sound of Keonhee's snoring from the next room. "And with you rarely letting us take care of you, seeing you like that just now hurts me. A lot. It made me wonder if I've failed as a hyung, if all of us have failed as your hyungs." He sighed, diverting his eyes, the fleeting smile disappearing again, oblivious to the fact Dongju had gaped, aghast with the words that had left his mouth.

  
  


"No." 

  
  


"No?" Seoho parroted after a while, still not looking at him.

  
  


"It's just-" Dongju trailed off- the hurt look in Seoho's eyes was akin to his heart being wrapped tightly with barbed wire- fiddling with Seoho's fingers as he carefully thought of what to say next. Dongju had always been blithe and direct, but that didn't mean that he would purposefully want to hurt his hyungs. There's no reason as to why he couldn't,  **wouldn't** be tactful when it came to his members' feelings. "I'm scared, hyung."

  
  


Dongju regarded Seoho's silence as a permission for him to continue. He took in a deep breath before he talked, trying to wake himself up from his half-asleep state.

  
  


"I'm scared that I am being a burden to Oneus. Have I ever been worthy enough to stay with all of you? I mean… Youngjo hyung and you have been in MixNine before. Geonhak hyung was from YG. Then Hwanwoong hyung, Keonhee hyung, you again… have been in Produce before. Me? The only thing I've had as experience compared to all of you is three weeks of training. That's it. I'm starting to wonder if the netizens were right." He turned so that he was now lying supine on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't face Seoho in this state, eyes welling up, the harbinger of another wave of sadness again. "That… maybe I am only dragging you guys down. Hence why we have never gotten a first win. Why we weren't nominated- or even invited to MAMA. Why we lost to The Boyz in Road to Kingdom-"

  
  


"Son Dongju!" 

  
  


Seoho gasped as he sat up, eyes blazing with what seemed like a mix of incredulity and astonishment. Dongju let out a childish whine at the sudden loss of warmth but Seoho's disappointed reply thwarted him from continuing the puerile act.

  
  


"How could you possibly say that about yourself?!"

  
  


Dongju gulped as he lay frozen on the bed, knowing he had taken it too far this time; he'd said too much than what he should have.

  
  


"Things happen for a reason, and the reason for these occurrences is not you and it will  **never** be." Seoho insisted, eyeing him sharply. "About how Oneus is doing in the industry… we are going at our own pace, aren't we?" The smile returned, soft and gentle as usual, though this time, it lacked its usual brightness. "We are growing and learning and improving together, aren't we? Isn't that what we promised at the beginning, when we made our debut?" Seoho's thumb caressed his cheek, and Dongju noticed that he was, once more, crying. "People have never walked in your shoes before and you yourself know yourself better than others do: you know of your strengths. So, why do you let yourself crumble at the words of those who had merely lingered for less than a moment in your life?"

  
  


If Dongju was crying silently before, now he was outright sobbing loudly.

  
  


"We never blamed you for anything Dongju. You belong with us, right here, right now. In the past, now, and in the future. You complete us." Seoho took Dongju's hand and brought it up, nuzzling his cheek against their intertwined fingers. "Oneus will never be what it is without you." He inched himself closer to Dongju before he laid back down, opening his arms to allow Dongju to close the distance between them. Dongju did, muttering a small apology of how he was about to drench Seoho's shirt with his endless stream of tears as he scooted towards Seoho. 

  
  


"Do you remember that one video you recorded during Twilight era, back then when you had an arm injury?" Seoho tapped his forearm and Dongju hummed, signalling him to continue.

  
  


"In the video, you talked about how your injury had affected the whole group, and you did see Keonhee's reaction to your speech, right?"

  
  


"What about that? Keonhee hyung cried-"

  
  


"So did us, actually."

  
  


"Huh?"

  
  


Dongju pulled his face away from Seoho's shirt (like he expected, it was soaked with his tears), gazing at his hyung with puzzlement.  _ Did I hear him properly or- _

  
  


"We watched that video too. Our eyes weren't dry after." Seoho chuckled dryly. "To think that you've been harboring all those thoughts and feelings all to yourself for a while now… gosh, it's really difficult to get you to open up about what's in here, Dongju-yah." He pointed towards Dongju's chest and gave it a jab, directly above his heart. "That when you finally did, we don't exactly know how to react, because we weren't prepared for it at all."

  
  


"Is that… a bad thing?"

  
  


"What? No, not at all. We've always known that it's better to let you open up gradually to us and surprise us rather than forcing you to do so and risk having you hate us." He patted Dongju's thigh reassuringly. "Despite I was not expecting it to be this way, that's all."

  
  


"If you say so, then, okay." Dongju sniffed, closing his fingers around DoongDoongie.

  
  


"Okay, so, now anyway. About our first win, great things take time, alright? All we have to do now is wish for the best to come, and trust our To Moons." Seoho patted his head as he spoke, gently as if he was cradling a baby (but then, Dongju knew that there's no use denying the fact he would always be treated this way as their maknae, so he remained mum and chose to enjoy the affection instead). "Road to Kingdom… don't forget that The Boyz debuted two years before we did, so they've already got an advantage through their larger fandom. We just debuted last year. And lastly- well, don't even get me started on MAMA." Dongju stared directly into his hyung's eyes, curious about what he had to say about the annual highly anticipated awards show. "We've always known that MNet has always been a snake." Seoho scrunched his nose up in disgust, and that had managed to coax soggy chuckles out of Dongju. His hyung's melodious laughter joined his own, and the atmosphere changed into something less tense and more cheerful, and Dongju's lips finally curved upwards into a half-smile that night.

  
  


"We can't do anything about that now, can't we?" Dongju inquired, and Seoho shook his head playfully.

  
  


"Nope." He answered, popping the 'p' loudly. "I believe we all should fear the day MNet starts being fair to the entire K-Pop industry as that would've meant the end of the world."

  
  


Dongju snorted at the clever quip, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie- of course he wouldn't mind, he could just throw it in the washing machine first thing in the morning tomorrow. 

  
  


"Have I ever told you how we were actually intimidated by you when we first debuted?" 

  
  


"Why?" Dongju snickered, wrapping his legs around Seoho's, and the elder just grinned. 

  
  


"Well. All of us have trained for years, you see. Been through too many survival shows to count. Too many companies. Years passed until we could finally debut, and the wait was not an easy one. Yet the cutest kid I've ever seen waltzed right into RBW-" Dongju's face flushed upon hearing those words-" stayed and improved faster than any of us did! In only the time span of three weeks! Barely a month! And then suddenly he's debuting together with us. Of course we were intimidated because the kid must be some sort of like, you know, a prodigy to learn all of the skills we've acquired in the period of a few years to master."

  
  


"No…' Dongju whined, tugging at the duvets to cover the lower half of his visage. "I'm not."

  
  


Seoho's grin stretched wider on his face, followed by a teasing quirk of his eyebrow.

  
  


"Don't underestimate yourself, Ju. Look where Oneus is now. It's all a result of those hours of hardwork from each and every one of us. You included." He giggled, booping the tip of Dongju's nose with a fond look in his eyes. "So is it clear now, hmm? You are never. Ever. A burden to us. You are very, very, very…" Seoho drawled, squishing Dongju in his embrace. "Very. Important to us. Okay? Now get all of those bad thoughts out of that little noggin of yours." The previous two fingers Seoho had used to boop his nose were now tapping against his temple. "You, Son Dongju, are our stars, moon, sun, sea, ocean, our entire universe, all the planets and moons to exist. I want you to only think of this from now on, okay? Whenever those horrible voices in your head try to tell you bad things, come to hyung, come to me okay? I love you Dongju, all of us do." He leaned forwards and pressed a brief kiss to Dongju's forehead, and Dongju didn't know it was possible for his face to become hotter.

  
  


"I love you too." He replied after Seoho had pulled away. 

  
  


"Now there's that cute little smile I've been waiting for. Enough crying for now, hmm?" Seoho brushed his fingertips across his cheeks, and Dongju mentally thanked the dimmed state of the bedroom he shared with Youngjo, else Seoho would never let him live the fact he was blushing from the attention given to him. 

  
  


"Okay. Speaking of the others, where are Geonhak and Youngjo hyung?"

  
  


"Hmm? Just now I joined Youngjo for dinner with our MixNine friends, because he invited me to like, tag along, since the others were asking for me to. After we were done, Youngjo told me to head back to the dorms first because he wanted to meet up with Geonhak at the studios. Some leftover work for them to work on or something like that." Seoho shrugged. "That's why I got to the dorms first. Alright, that's enough talking for tonight, let's sleep. Sleep, my child, it's getting late." Dongju laughed at the hands brushing over his face in an attempt of trying to make his eyelids flutter shut.

  
  


"That tickles!"

  
  


"It's late Dongju, and we have a schedule tomorrow. Sleep, you big baby-"

  
  


"Can you sing for me? Then I promise I will sleep. I swear."

  
  


Seoho snorted, rolling his eyes in faux annoyance.

  
  


"Urgh, you're so lucky you're cute." Seoho faked a groan, arm draped over his eyes in such a dramatic way that Dongju giggled smugly, knowing that his privilege as Oneus' youngest would never fail him. "What song? I'll just sing a bit of it, then we'll sleep right afterwards, you hear me, young lad?"

  
  


"Right, right." Dongju waved airily. "Hmm.. Can you sing A Song Written Easily for me?"

  
  


"You mean the song that totally was  **not** easily written? Right, I can do that, but isn't it a bit too sad though? It's about a breakup-"

  
  


"It's calming. And your voice suits that song so well, hyung." He whined, hoping that it would be enough to pass off as a plea. "Your voice soothes me. Please? Please, please, please…" He grasped and shook Seoho's arm, enthusiastic in his endeavour to get what he wanted. Seoho let out a sigh before chuckling, pinching Dongju's cheek, giving him a look filled with so much adoration and love that Dongju couldn't tear his gaze away as realization dawned upon him.

  
  


He was the one blinded by his own fears and doubts this whole time. 

  
  


"Okay, but here goes nothing…"

  
  


_ "Sometimes you don't have to search for home, Dongju." Dongmyeong stated, fingertip tracing some random patterns on the back of his hand. "I wasn't even looking when I found Onewe. And I've never felt more at home rather than with them. So…" His twin squeezed his hand, looking back up at him. "Just stop searching for now and instead let them find you, Ju, whoever they might be. The best has yet to come." _

  
  


_ "How do I know if it's really them, then?" He questioned, voice small and quiet like a child's.  _

  
  


_ "You'll know. When the time comes, you'll know. That's the most beautiful thing about it, especially if you weren't even searching for it in the first place." _

  
  


Turns out, he never had to search for home at all in the first place.

  
  


He was already  **home** this whole time.

  
  


And his home came to him in the form of his favorite hyung, Lee Seoho, the one who brought sunshine and flowers into his life, putting an end to his tiring journey looking for a place to call home, a place to belong to and stay.

  
  


* * *

  
  


_ I still have so much to say _

_ So I wrote it all down and it became lyrics _

_ This longing hurts more than the break up _

_ This song that was written easily as I thought of you _

_ A song written easily _

_ This song that was written easily as I thought of you _

  
  


"Can you hear that, Hak?" 

  
  


Youngjo's lips curved heavensward as he slid down the door to his room, eyes glistening with unshed tears in the darkness of the dorm, voice no louder than a whisper.

  
  


"I hear it, Youngjo hyung." Geonhak answered, joining Youngjo by making the empty space next to their eldest his seat; he stretched out a palm, and Youngjo's reaction was as quick as ever, and they leaned against the door, holding hands as they allowed their gazes to wander about the silence of their home.

  
  


"Dongju's finally opening up to us." Youngjo chuckled, and Geonhak didn't need to look at their eldest to know that he was smiling as he rested his head on Geonhak's shoulder.

  
  


"I told you, he's just taking his time."

  
  


"I'm glad he did. It was really worth the wait." Youngjo nodded, pressing closer to Geonhak, and he didn't let out a sound nor did he complain. He took in a deep breath, dabbing at his cheeks with the sleeve of his turtleneck. "Oh look, Geonhak, I'm crying too." 

  
  


Geonhak smiled. "You're such a sap, hyung."

  
  


"You say that as if you hate it." Youngjo laughed, the sound as merry and sweet as it had always been, ringing in Geonhak's ears. "Since Seoho had hijacked my room for the night, mind if I slept over in yours? I want to give them some privacy, just hyung and maknae bonding time."

  
  


Geonhak smiled even more, leaning forwards and pressing his lips briefly against Youngjo's- who tasted of his typical cherry lip tint and the salt from his tears- before pulling away, nodding. "That's my answer."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> title is taken from Seventeen's Hug.
> 
> there are many things that happened irl for both Oneus and Onewe that had actually inspired this fic:
> 
> 1\. Dongmyeong kept telling stories of how Dongju and Giwook always fought whenever they met in the past; despite they lived in the same apartment complex, they never got along.
> 
> 2\. That one video Dongju recorded where he talked about his worries about his presence in Oneus. I don't exactly remember when it was and where it's from, but it was Twilight era as Dongju had silver hair and an arm injury. Keonhee was legit crying upon listening to what Dongju had to say. Even I cried too.
> 
> 3\. Dongju had mentioned lots of times before that Seoho is his favorite hyung.
> 
> 4\. If you had noticed, Seoho's physical forms of affections with his members are always subtle as he's always not too comfortable with too much of those. Oneus is well aware of this fact and they usually keep the PDA mild: hand holding, touching shoulders and thigh patting.
> 
> 5\. The bias game that Yonghoon, Kanghyun and Giwook played did a great job in convincing me that Onewe members, in fact, are whipped for each other. Hence Onewe poly.
> 
> do let me know what you think of this fic, please? Even a kudos is enough to make me smile and giggle about it for days, but a comment will totally make me cry about it for years~~ Thank you again, Merry Christmas! 🎅 
> 
> Lots of love, Ren ❤ (bye I absolutely CANNOT BELIEVE I REVEALED MYSELF I'M GONNA COWER BACK INTO THE HOLE I CRAWLED OUT FROM)


End file.
